When I took Katie to the public health nurse
for her six-month vaccinations, the nurse handed me a thick booklet. A how-to
on raising babies to toddlers to wildly successful humans or something like that. I started off reading carefully through each age
range to make sure I was helping Katie hit her milestones and was surprised at
one of the entries. It said to avoid saying ‘no’ except for situations that are
dangerous.
I can think of many reasons why you
wouldn’t want to introduce that word to a toddler’s vocabulary but despite my
best efforts, she’s picked it up. She uses it quite readily actually.
Last night during dinner:
“Would you like some water?”
“No!” (shakes head furiously)
“Would you like some more chicken?”
“No!” (more head shaking)
“Are you done?”
“No!”
“Do you like daddy?”
“No!”
Now I know she’s misusing the word. This little girl is obsessed with her dad.
Bless her little heart, I hope she doesn’t
ever stop saying no like she means it. When she means it.
Maybe it’s a grown up thing, maybe it’s a
woman thing but I have a hard time saying no. So when I do say it, better
believe I mean it.
But apparently everyone doesn’t realize
that.
Over the weekend, I decided to finally
install a drainage pipe in our front yard to take care of the soggy bog that
results from our sloping driveway and yard (and the copious amounts of rain we
get here).
We had to run to grab some gravel for the
project and happened to be right by a Mazda dealership. Our car had been
acting…differently…of late so we decided to just pop in and see what pricing
we’d be looking at if we did need to jump into a car in the near future.
They were all very pleasant even though I
was covered in mud from my outdoor project. We got some pricing and returned
home, happily informed but in no rush to jump on a deal.
Well, at some point during the process we
must have given them our phone number because come Monday morning, the
dealership was calling. Were we ready to jump on a great deal? Today would be
our last chance since it was the end of the month.
I called Sterling at work to talk it over.
Would we really bite the bullet and buy a car? A new car? On credit? I’d never
financed a car and wasn’t about to even at 0% after we’d just gone to one salary never
mind adding a mortgage and a little person to our family in the last year and a
half.
We hadn’t even test driven a car while at
the dealership so it felt way too rushed. After many calls back and forth and
considering ditching Katie’s first real Halloween to go test drive cars, I let
the salesman know we weren’t interested at this time.
It was harder than I thought but there, I
did it. I said no thanks.
But he called back.
He said if I just gave him my credit card
number, he could put a refundable deposit on the deal and it could still be
honoured if we changed our mind in the next three days.
Now we had skin in the game.
I didn’t sleep more than three hours that
night. Katie’s teething combined with my racing brain didn’t help. In the
middle of my restless night, I started messaging Mazda dealers across BC. Did
you know there’s someone online at 3 a.m.?
I was able to get several quotes and one
was so low, I thought if we were going to go with a car, that would be the one.
Armed with that new, low offer, we went to
test drive the car we’d been eyeing to see if it was worth a trip to the
mainland to capitalize on that steal of a deal.
We test drove, were satisfied enough and
went to say our goodbyes. Of course the salesman wanted to close the
transaction. After lots of back and forth for over an hour, I told him we had a
better offer elsewhere and unless they could match it, would be going with that
offer.
He balked at the offer and said it wasn’t
legit. I said I’d rather hedge my bets and see if it’s legit than buy a car for
$2400 more on his impression that a better deal wasn’t possible. Thankfully I
had somewhere to be and was already super late so I made a quick exit but not
before we promised to check in with him the next day.
So we did. We sat in that little office far
too long, well after the dealership had closed. Well after we should have been
there. I finally just threw my hands up and said I didn’t feel good about
buying the vehicle without at least checking in with the dealership on the
mainland. Sorry, but we’re not buying this car today.
I looked at Sterling, hoping he’d echo my
sentiments but he just sat there. Was I being foolish? Was I being
unreasonable? Should I just suck it up and jump on this opportunity even if it
wasn’t the best deal?
No, I’d thought about it. All night long.
Two nights in a row now. I’d done research, compared quotes, talked with
friends and neighbors, prayed about it even. It didn’t feel right.
At one point I even referenced my hockey
pool to try to hammer home the point that I was walking away because I didn’t
want to get burned again. I’d had a guy offer me over 30 trade variations for a
player I told him over and over I didn’t want to move. One afternoon, after
what felt like the 30 millionth trade offer and after 13 days of sleepless
nights thanks to freaking molars coming in, I declined his offer but sent a
counter proposal. I thought he wouldn’t take it but I just wanted to shut him
up. And I also felt bad for rejecting him over and over again.
He took my deal and I’ve been sour about it
ever since. It was a stupid, one sided trade that didn’t benefit me at all. And
I offered it to him!
So, armed with that fresh memory, I said my
last firm no and walked out into the lobby.
But Sterling stayed and somehow we walked
out of the dealership with a deal in principle. We were buying the car.
They were technically closed so they had us
sign some forms, confirmed our financing and sent us home in a new car. Well,
Sterling took it home. I wanted nothing to do with it.
The next day, we headed back to the
dealership to officially buy the car. There was a whole other process. When it
came time for the warranty up-sale, I was in and out of the room chasing Katie.
Sterling and I hadn’t discussed the added warranty but have an overall disdain
for warranties and insurance in general. When I learned it would be $2300 to extend
the warranty to year seven I balked and said a quick no. The salesman looked at
me like I had two heads. He tried three more times to sell the warranty, even
saying you’d be dumb not to get it. I said no each time.
He finally threw his hands up and said
okay. I felt like garbage.
I started thinking about all the times I’d
said no to deaf ears. The reporter who would not listen to me when I said he
couldn’t take a press box seat for games he wasn’t working. We had that
conversation for two seasons before his boss finally fired him. The salesmen.
The fantasy hockey poolie. The bank who wouldn’t close my account after
standing at the teller counter for over an hour trying to do so.
I felt like crap then and now. Over a nice car.
Then I thought of other people who say no.
Even though it’s hard and can be uncomfortable because so many of us are
programmed to please others at all costs.
I feel like garbage over a car deal.
Possibly losing money. How about rape victims? Geez, that must torment them to
no end. I’m writing this at 5 a.m. because I can’t sleep over a car. A car!
There are takeaways here though. The biggest one
for me is to make sure Katie never loses her unabashed ability to say no. Even
if it’s a misguided no, it’s hers and I respect that. I just wish others would too.