Ch-ch-ch-changes

The end of a year typically gets me reflecting about where I've been, what I've done, who I've rubbed shoulders with in the previous 330 or so days.

This has been one funky year. You know that Super Mario rainbow track where the colours are so vibrant and blinding they almost become hypnotic? If you're not careful, you end up over the edge, waiting for the little cloud man to rescue you. This year just might be like that track.

I was recently working on a Christmas letter (soon to be shared if I can align my desires with wonderful technology) and as I went through the year, month by month, it dawned on me. For a year uneventful at first glance, this one's been a doozy.

2012 started with a road trip to Alberta with three people I just think the world of: Sterling, Annamieke and Aaron. I honestly feel so blessed to have each of them in my life. I think I've blogged before about how much I treasured that opportunity. And I still do. I will always appreciate having those last hours to spend with my nephew on this Earth. Even not knowing that would be my last visit with him, it was special at the time.

Then there was February, when Zachary made his way to Heaven. March and its 11 home games, a memorial service for Zachary, my first and second crowns (on my teeth) and preparation for our third move in as many years. April with the move itself, my first in-season road trip with the team, the playoffs, injuring my hip playing basketball and a couple of epic concerts. Then there was a summer of road trips, family reunions and hip treatments. We covered over 8,000 kilometres in our car and made that many memories and then some.

The fall brought more opportunities and more memories. The lockout started September 15th, which in turn signaled a reduction in the work week and subsequent pay. Sterling started his internship and worked on his last class to complete his Bachelor's through BYU-Idaho. Our good friends had a baby, adorable Bennett. Our car broke down a few times for good measure then got broken into the night before I was to go to the hospital for an MR-A (MRI with a nice needle to inject contrast right into the socket of the necessary region--in this case, my hip). Around the same time, Sterling's dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Then I learned I'd need to have my hip surgically repaired and the wait list would be at least two years. Oh, and I was told not to have kids before the surgery is completed. After over 50 years in the same house, my Grammie moved. Then two of my closest friends at work made career changes that took them out of the office we'd all worked at since I started five years ago. Just this past week, Sterling graduated and also received his approval to be a permanent resident (finally!).

So yeah, this year's had some changes. Hopefully it's not a sign of things to come but it just might be. Through all these changes, I am so grateful for some constants and wanted to outline them here:

Family--Sterling, our parents, our siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents. I am so grateful for all of them. Sterling for his kindness, unwavering devotion and unconditional love. Parents for support and just caring--they don't have to but they do. Siblings for keeping life interesting and reminding me of my roots. Aunts and uncles for teaching me it really does take a village to raise a child. Grandparents for instilling that same principle and for showering me with a wealth of wisdom only experience can bring. Cousins for sharing so many memories and making more with me: Rook, hockey, days in the park, and ping pong games. So glad to have cousins Drew, Michelle, Dave, Meg, Mark and Robbie so close we can catch up. I always worried I'd lose touch with my cousins like my parents had with theirs. So far, so good. I love each one of them.

Friends--I'm awful at keeping in touch. It's a big part of why I blog. I really take to heart that quote that true friendship isn't being inseparable, it's being separated and nothing changes. I feel that way about so many friends I hold dear, even though I don't say it nearly enough. My D-town girls, old roommates, friends I've worked with, worshiped with. I think of them often and love that when we do see each other, it's as though we'd never spent any time apart at all. I was so glad to see former roommates Kimbo and Wendizzle this past summer. I love weddings, because they bring so many people together, and this past summer's festivities were no exception. Maybe we don't live together, work together or even share the same zip/postal code anymore but I still cherish our memories and hope to make more.

Faith--My constant companion. Though it's wavered and weakened at times, especially the difficult ones, ultimately it's been my buoy. Lifting me up in stormy waters. I don't know everything, not even close, but I know when I pray, He listens. I'm still learning. He's patient. Thankfully.

Fortune--Money's been a sore spot this year but those three constants I outlined above have led to the greatest fortune I could ever hope for.

Fun--Even in darker times, fun has played a role throughout this year. Whether it's been sports, games or just a late night talk that gets a little silly because that's what being tired can do to a person...there's been no shortage of fun this year.

So with those four fs (I always loved alliteration) I get ready to bid farewell to 2012. Come on over 2013. We've been waiting.

All we need is...

It’s not all we need but sometimes it’s enough.

Love.

Songs, books, movies, art..all have been created in one way or another to honour it. And yet, we don’t. Not always. Not when it counts the most.

Today tragedy struck. Senseless, devastating, heart wrenching tragedy. It stripped lives of the innocent; hope from humanity.

The news out of Connecticut today, then China, was heartbreaking. I know I’m not alone in its effects. Social media flooded with sentiments, opinions, outrage, shock and dismay, over the day’s events.

I instantly wondered why? Who? How? The media (albeit inaccurately and prematurely for large parts of the day) had answered the who, what and where questions. But the harder questions. Those still linger. Maybe we’ll find some answers. I hope we don’t have to ask them again.

Too many guns? Too many untreated mental illnesses? Too much media attention creating notoriety-seeking psychopaths? Could it be video games? Is this a media monster? Is this an American problem?

Too many questions we don’t have the answers for.

It’s so wrong that there are so many days like this to remember or forget..but there are. This has happened too many times. Each time it happens, I, like many, go through a gamut of emotions. Shock, sadness, wonder, despair, anger, more sadness. I want to blame someone but this has happened too many times to blame any one person or any one thing.   

Yes, those committing these heinous acts are wrong for taking out whatever's going on inside on others outside. Maybe, just maybe, there needed to be more intervention when it came to mental health. Maybe there were warning signs. And yes, gun reform needs to happen. It’s too late in many cases but not too late to act as some sort of prevention for repeats of today’s events. No human being should ever hold, use, own or find need for a semi-automatic weapon. Why we’ve created these killing machines, I’ll never know. One-upmanship I suppose. All I know is this world would be a lot better place without them.

This isn’t just a gun issue though. This is a humanity issue.

The outpouring of love, harmony, community and turning to God is so awe inspiring after days like today. But then it waxes and wanes and it feels like the coldness seeps back into our hearts before we even know it’s there.

On my drive home from work, my heart ached especially for the families, friends and first responders all affected directly by the actions of one man. I wanted to become a beacon of love for everyone. Live charity every day, not just around the Christmas holidays or when my heart was feeling full because a tragedy reminded me how precious life is.

But then when a begging man approached my car, all I gave him was a wave and an “I’m sorry” even though I’m not. I’m just selfish. I’d rather hang onto my few pennies and dimes rather than give another a handful of hope.

There it was, my chance to lift another’s spirit in some small way. But I reasoned and reckoned my way out of helping. And that’s not the first time. 

What I take from all of this is that time is short. Sometimes too short. So we do our best to make the best of it. And we fall short. Then we try again. We give where we can, love when it counts, hug when it hurts and when it just seems to fit the moment. And sometimes we don't. Sometimes we go cold.

Thoughts and prayers will go a long way. Advocacy for change too. I personally am pushing for all of them but I believe where we really make the most of our time here is when we love. Love now while we can because, while I believe love endures beyond this often messed up world, right now, this world’s what we’ve got.