Recently I learned that an acquaintance of mine is terminally ill with cancer. At first, second and third glance I never would have guessed it. I’ve seen the swollen pallor of a face stricken with cancer and its ‘treatments’. This was not the face of a typical victim of cancer.
It’s not the only time my eye and perception have deceived me. The charismatic young man brimming with life, who carried a burden of mental illness. The beautiful young woman with so much to offer, who feigned self-confidence every day while internally self-loathing. That darned, ridiculously hot pepper in the Vegas restaurant that looked so much like a green bean that I ate it, while sitting between the Vigneault and Kesler families.
Yeah, that keen eye of mine has betrayed me on more than a few occasions. And I know I haven’t seen the end of it.
How many times do I think I see something a certain way when really it’s not that way at all? Yep, I have definitely had my view obscured by those ruddy beams that skew many a person’s vision and judgments.
I guess that’s another reason we shouldn’t judge others. And why we shouldn’t be too harsh when we do. As much as I think I have all the pieces, I don’t and won’t. Probably ever.
When my mom got remarried I didn’t give my blessing. The first day she met Bob (my step dad), she came home and had one of my sisters get my grandma’s old engagement ring and bring it to her so she could convince me she’d gotten engaged on her first date. I forgot that her first date happened to fall on April Fool’s day and was livid.
Though I knew my parents were never right for reconciliation, I also knew my parents weren’t right for anybody else but each other. I was 15 and knew everything.
When my mom really did get engaged early that July, she came to my church’s Girls Camp to tell me. I could never forgive her for ruining the best week of my summer—my getaway—with that awful news.
When they announced their wedding date for that February I reminded my mom over and over again of a conversation we’d had that April 1st. In an attempt to curb my rage for her ‘engaged prank’ my mom had promised that I had nothing to worry about because there was no way she would even consider marriage until she’d had a year to get to know a potential husband and more importantly for me—step dad.
I think I kept reminding my mom of that conversation for the next two years I lived at home and many times after leaving home. It wasn’t until I’d found love, lost it, and found it again that I began to be able to see just a glimpse of what my mom had been experiencing. Even then, I could never know what it was like to live single for six years, working full-time and raising five kids. I couldn’t know what it was like to finally find someone who seemed the perfect fit. I wouldn’t want to wait either. I didn’t when I found Sterling.
So I got a dose of perception there. And many more since. I hope they keep coming. I hope one day I have eyes that can see much more than their current narrow view. In a perfect world, they’ll accentuate the good and overlook the bad.
I know there are so many things I haven’t seen and worse, haven’t acknowledged. So many things my husband, parents, family, friends, work colleagues, roommates, teachers—and so many others—have done for me. If you’re reading this and you’ve been awesome to me or anyone, thank you. If you’re working on being awesomer, that makes two of us. Good luck to us both.
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