What's my line?

Don't tell my boss but today at work I had a non-work related conversation. We were talking about America's Next Top Model--one of my (many) guilty pleasures. My colleague had stocked up a few episodes worth of this All-Star cycle on her PVR and hadn't had a chance to watch them yet. She said she'd found out who got the boot so didn't really feel as inclined to watch the episodes anymore.

I totally get that. It's like the time I taped a Canucks playoff game in 2004. It was a Sunday and I'd decided earlier that year that I would no longer break my understanding of the Sabbath law to watch sports or TV on Sunday. I sat in my room and read scriptures (distractedly) while my roommates watched the game that I was taping (on VHS no less). By their yells and cheers throughout the game, I could tell we were scoring and by their reaction at the end of the game, I could tell we had won. I never watched that taped game. I already knew the ending.

I can't count the number of times I wished I knew the beginning, middle and ending of my life's 'tape'. It seemed like whenever a big decision came along I'd long the most for a run-through of my life's script. Where to go to school? What to study? Who to date? Who to marry? Who not to marry? Where to work? And the list goes on. I didn't want to make the wrong decision so I wanted to see where my decisions would take me before making them. I didn't want to say the wrong thing so I wanted someone to feed me a line.

I still do feel that way sometimes. I wish there was a script or tape of the way my life should unfold. When to have kids? Where to raise them? How to raise them? Stay at home or put them in childcare?

Then there will be when to retire? Where to retire? Serve a couple's mission? How many missions?

All life's questions could be answered with that one tape!

But where's the fun in that? As much as I hate the screw ups, I sure have learned a lot from them. I'm definitely not a fan of the down times, but the things I've gained I wouldn't give up for anything.

I get what my co-worker was saying. Once you know the ending, the appeal of putting in the time and slogging through the whole 'episode' just loses its appeal. Sure, I still want to see that tape but by then I hope it's more of a home video--something I can watch nostalgically with recollection after recollection. Not now, long before it's played itself out in real time. I wouldn't want to ruin the ending.