This week, in the city I currently call home, at least two
lives were forever changed and an entire community took notice.
At around 6 a.m., a woman my age was running some trails
when she was attacked from behind and sexually assaulted. Just six hours later,
across town, a young woman was IN HER HOUSE when an apparent stranger barged
into her home, bearing weapons and bad intentions, tied her up and viciously
assaulted her physically, sexually, emotionally...and who knows how else.
In the second case, she screamed and fought and drew the
attention and ire of a neighbor. A man named Bronson came to her rescue and
fought off the attacker. Yes, damage had been done but neighbors held the creep
until police were able to come arrest him. He had prior convictions in Ontario, even recently breaching probation and in his short time in Vancouver, had already
caught the attention of the police.
Many things happen after cases like these. The good:
communities band together, vying for change and solidarity. The bad: lives and hearts
are forever tainted, physical and emotional wounds cut deep and leave scars.
And the ugly: the blame game begins, fear festers and paranoia prevails.
In the first case, the 30-year-old woman fought off her
attacker to no avail. She was helpless to his atrocious advances and disgusting
deeds. He fled and so far, walks a free man, save for whatever evil nature binds
him to his unthinkable appetites.
In the second case, the woman was assaulted but a good Samaritan came to her rescue and kept her from what could
have been much worse.
Twitter allowed me to learn about these cases almost in real
time. As someone’s life was irrevocably changed, I got a 140 character (or less)
play-by-play.
About the early morning attack, one friend asked what that
woman was doing running alone that early in the dark.
Comments like that commonly follow reports like this. Victim
shaming? Victim blaming maybe? She shouldn’t have been wearing that. What was
she thinking going to that place. Of course she shouldn’t have gone home with
that guy. Many of us think or vocalize thoughts like these. Perhaps innocently,
or in some cases, vindictively.
I was enraged a few weeks ago to read the transcripts of (I
can’t even call them men) dimwits assessing why a vicious gang rape and
subsequent murder happened on a bus in Delhi. One assertion was that she and
her date shouldn’t have been out to a movie that late. Women should be in their
homes at that time. They said many worse things but I don't want to further highlight that idiotic thinking in this space.
The frustrating part is that those thoughts must permeate some way
across cultures, across borders and even genders. I’ve heard men and women
share variations of those views.
And we wonder why victims of these calamities carry a burden
of guilt and self loathing along with their scars. So where does it stem from?
We just need a reason to explain why such evil, unthinkable acts could happen? We
can’t put our mind where the assailant’s mind was so we rationalize for and
against the victim?
Well if I was that person, I wouldn’t have been alone on
that trail at that time.
But then how do you explain the second case? Now there are
headlines asking if women should be carrying weapons at all times. She was
alone in her home, minding her own business when a complete stranger barged in
and inflicted irreparable damage.
I hope both those women heal. I hope those who inflicted the
damage heal too but am not naïve to think it won’t take significant help for
both.
The second man was known to police. I don’t know what his
prior convictions were about. I would imagine he didn’t commit such a heinous
crime out of the blue. I’m no expert but I would think there’s a starting point
before things escalate there. Maybe not.
There’s no question, there need to be stricter laws and, in
turn, punishments for such acts. I’ve seen firsthand the frustration and
anguish good cops feel when they’re the ones handcuffed by policies and legal limitations.
We’re about to welcome a baby girl into the world. In its
current state, it terrifies me sometimes. But I’ve always been inclined to take
action and, against my better judgment sometimes, seek justice.
I’m continually reminded that there’s a higher judge that gets the final say but do I ever
wish there was more our laws could do now.
If that were my daughter, sister, mother, friend, neighbor,
I would want those men found, castrated and isolated forever more so they could
no longer inflict any pain in another woman. The thing is that those women are
our daughters, sisters, mothers, friends and neighbors. They’re not strangers
to everyone.
I’ve blogged before about how this world needs more love. It
does. Without question. That goes for the good guys and yes, even the bad guys.
But I also think there needs to be stiffer penalties. Maybe
I’m delusional but I have to think if there are harsher penalties that actually
stick, someone down the line will be less inclined to take what isn’t theirs.
Not just a momentary theft but a lasting and painful robbery of innocence.
Or maybe we just need to get rid of the whole pornographic
industry.
Or maybe we need more fathers and mothers to stay together
and spend time raising their children instead of just their median income and
portfolios.
Or maybe we just need to bring unicorns back to life and
paint the skies with rainbows.
I don’t proclaim to know the answers so open the floor to
any listening ear. Where do we go from here? How do I help now to make sure my
little girl doesn’t have to worry about leaving the house without a weapon? How
do I make sure the boy or boys we might raise know that damaging behavior like that is
never ok? Do I write letters to policy makers? Start a community group to help ensure nobody walks alone? Where do we go from here? Somebody please give this pregnant lady some hope.
