Whose fault is it anyways?

This week, in the city I currently call home, at least two lives were forever changed and an entire community took notice.

At around 6 a.m., a woman my age was running some trails when she was attacked from behind and sexually assaulted. Just six hours later, across town, a young woman was IN HER HOUSE when an apparent stranger barged into her home, bearing weapons and bad intentions, tied her up and viciously assaulted her physically, sexually, emotionally...and who knows how else.

In the second case, she screamed and fought and drew the attention and ire of a neighbor. A man named Bronson came to her rescue and fought off the attacker. Yes, damage had been done but neighbors held the creep until police were able to come arrest him. He had prior convictions in Ontario, even recently breaching probation and in his short time in Vancouver, had already caught the attention of the police.

Many things happen after cases like these. The good: communities band together, vying for change and solidarity. The bad: lives and hearts are forever tainted, physical and emotional wounds cut deep and leave scars. And the ugly: the blame game begins, fear festers and paranoia prevails.

In the first case, the 30-year-old woman fought off her attacker to no avail. She was helpless to his atrocious advances and disgusting deeds. He fled and so far, walks a free man, save for whatever evil nature binds him to his unthinkable appetites.

In the second case, the woman was assaulted but a good Samaritan came to her rescue and kept her from what could have been much worse.

Twitter allowed me to learn about these cases almost in real time. As someone’s life was irrevocably changed, I got a 140 character (or less) play-by-play.

About the early morning attack, one friend asked what that woman was doing running alone that early in the dark.

Comments like that commonly follow reports like this. Victim shaming? Victim blaming maybe? She shouldn’t have been wearing that. What was she thinking going to that place. Of course she shouldn’t have gone home with that guy. Many of us think or vocalize thoughts like these. Perhaps innocently, or in some cases, vindictively.

I was enraged a few weeks ago to read the transcripts of (I can’t even call them men) dimwits assessing why a vicious gang rape and subsequent murder happened on a bus in Delhi. One assertion was that she and her date shouldn’t have been out to a movie that late. Women should be in their homes at that time. They said many worse things but I don't want to further highlight that idiotic thinking in this space.

The frustrating part is that those thoughts must permeate some way across cultures, across borders and even genders. I’ve heard men and women share variations of those views.

And we wonder why victims of these calamities carry a burden of guilt and self loathing along with their scars. So where does it stem from? We just need a reason to explain why such evil, unthinkable acts could happen? We can’t put our mind where the assailant’s mind was so we rationalize for and against the victim?

Well if I was that person, I wouldn’t have been alone on that trail at that time.

But then how do you explain the second case? Now there are headlines asking if women should be carrying weapons at all times. She was alone in her home, minding her own business when a complete stranger barged in and inflicted irreparable damage.

I hope both those women heal. I hope those who inflicted the damage heal too but am not naïve to think it won’t take significant help for both.

The second man was known to police. I don’t know what his prior convictions were about. I would imagine he didn’t commit such a heinous crime out of the blue. I’m no expert but I would think there’s a starting point before things escalate there. Maybe not.

There’s no question, there need to be stricter laws and, in turn, punishments for such acts. I’ve seen firsthand the frustration and anguish good cops feel when they’re the ones handcuffed by policies and legal limitations.

We’re about to welcome a baby girl into the world. In its current state, it terrifies me sometimes. But I’ve always been inclined to take action and, against my better judgment sometimes, seek justice. I’m continually reminded that there’s a higher judge that gets the final say but do I ever wish there was more our laws could do now.

If that were my daughter, sister, mother, friend, neighbor, I would want those men found, castrated and isolated forever more so they could no longer inflict any pain in another woman. The thing is that those women are our daughters, sisters, mothers, friends and neighbors. They’re not strangers to everyone.

I’ve blogged before about how this world needs more love. It does. Without question. That goes for the good guys and yes, even the bad guys.

But I also think there needs to be stiffer penalties. Maybe I’m delusional but I have to think if there are harsher penalties that actually stick, someone down the line will be less inclined to take what isn’t theirs. Not just a momentary theft but a lasting and painful robbery of innocence.

Or maybe we just need to get rid of the whole pornographic industry.

Or maybe we need more fathers and mothers to stay together and spend time raising their children instead of just their median income and portfolios.

Or maybe we just need to bring unicorns back to life and paint the skies with rainbows.

I don’t proclaim to know the answers so open the floor to any listening ear. Where do we go from here? How do I help now to make sure my little girl doesn’t have to worry about leaving the house without a weapon? How do I make sure the boy or boys we might raise know that damaging behavior like that is never ok? Do I write letters to policy makers? Start a community group to help ensure nobody walks alone? Where do we go from here? Somebody please give this pregnant lady some hope.