As a kid, the song “Big Yellow Taxi” struck a chord with me. Maybe it’s strange but I feel like I’ve always carried a deep appreciation for what I have because I’ve also carried the feeling that it could be taken away at any time.
Those early years when Joni Mitchell’s words of wisdom resonated with me I was conversely confused by the saying “if you love someone let them go.” I think my mom used that on me when I wanted to keep my pet caterpillars in the house. At any rate, I remember thinking I much preferred playing with my caterpillars and showing my love that way rather than letting them go into the world.
My view of caterpillars changed after an unfortunate experience in the woods. I had been helping my uncle forage for all sorts of plants and herbs in the woods in Victoria. We’d driven his jeep out to the woods and after returning home, somebody in my family (I’ve blocked out the exact events) told me I had caterpillars in my ear. Sure enough, it turns out I’d walked into a nest of caterpillars or something and they’d relocated to my ear.
I digress. My view of caterpillars has changed but my view on not taking things for granted hasn’t. My life experiences have continually reaffirmed these feelings.
In my teenage years, boy did I long to get away. I would dream every night of making it big with one of my bands (4-eva..can’t believe we didn’t make it). If not music, I dreamed of playing NCAA field hockey for Duke or the Tar Heels. When I graduated, plans shifted but they still involved getting away. Calgary, AB, seemed like the best fit. A big city with lots of Mormons. And better yet. I’d be moving out there with my best friends.
Since it was our first time really away from home, our parents came out to see us off. It was a disaster at first. Kristy, Lisa and I were all living in different places. Lisa and Kris in the new residence buildings and I was stuck in some trashy, OLD residence. Thankfully my dad put his foot down and managed to work with the other parents to get us all in the same place.
It seemed like the transition would be easy. I was realizing my dream of leaving home while still having the luxury of spending most waking moments with my BFFs. The instant my mom’s van pulled away, the tears came. My friends and I consoled each other. I was surprised by my reaction. Despite my belief that you should never take anything for granted, I’d completely taken my family for granted.
Maybe it’s a rite of passage. Most teenagers probably prefer their parents have little to do with them. I imagine many of us eventually go through that same rude awakening either through change or tragedy.
That’s just one of many experiences I’ve had: realizing that against my best intentions, I’d started taking someone or something for granted. Sometimes it’s something really important, like family. Sometimes it’s something as simple as hot water when I turn on the tap.
There are so many things I have to be grateful for. So many things I can take for granted with too much ease. This has been on my mind a lot lately.
So I guess this ramble amounts to me putting in print my resolve to not take things for granted. I’ll try to treasure the moment. The magic. The mundane. I know I’ll disregard something without even trying but nobody’s perfect. Even I won’t take that for granted.
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